THE YIN-YANG.. of Cyber World!!

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The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

As some of you may already know… the past week bought me some unwanted attention from a rather vicious attacker… it initially started because the person concerned was looking for something within her relationship… She found a message from her husband (whom I have known for quite some time), congratulating me on my modeling, to ignore the haters and carry on doing what I was doing, he stated that I was “gorgeous” and said “lovely pics of a lovely lady” –maybe that was the mistake!

From where I was concerned… this was just a wife/partner/lover that had insecurities within her relationship… we’ve all been there at some time or another. I assured this person that there was nothing “in” the message and that the most intimate he and I had ever been was the odd kiss on the cheek hello and goodbye.

She was obviously very angry over something she had found, and, I have been told, could not get to the people that she wanted to get to, so turned her anger toward me. After a brief exchange or messages and me putting a status up on Facebook, she threatened me and ordered me to remove it (to be honest, by rights, unless she was on her husbands account, she should not have been able to see my wall at all). Being the type of person I am, I decided to take the post down, block her and her husband, and put the whole nasty episode behind me…. Unfortunately, this wasn’t to be the case!!

My Facebook is set to private… the only people that can see my posts are my friends, friends of friends can try to add me or message me (but they go into an alternative folder) but they should not be able to view anything that is on my personal wall. Unfortunately, the page that I set up for my modeling work is not like this. It cannot be made private…

Within 20 minutes of blocking this person, I received a message on my public page from an unknown user… it was disgustingly gross, full of insults and very vicious. It also made reference relating to what the previous aggressor had threatened. It was all too obvious the two were related, although, I hasten to add, this cannot be proven at this moment. Over the next 48 hours my page was targeted, I was called a “dog whore” “pig” “Skanky bitch that should be ashamed of myself” etc etc you name it, I was called it… the language was disgusting and yes, I will admit, was hurtful.

Now, for those that don’t know me, let me explain a little something.

I am not a spring chicken! I am a 48 year old woman that was scouted and asked to start modeling again, after being out of it for 20 plus years. Since doing it again.. I have had a lot of work, some great feedback, some not so great feedback, but I have come alive again… I am a ho yes, as my new found friend above called me… but I prefer the term “Camera HO”, I can be anyone in front of the camera, it’s acting, its all fantasy, it’s harmless and it’s fun” .

I am doing it now because I wanted to show women, like me, actually, not just women, but men also, that just because we have reached a certain age… it doesn’t mean we have to sit back and wait for old age to kick in. We are all beautiful in our own skins and it’s time we started to try and feel comfortable about who we are, what lines we have and any extra curves we may have.. WE are REAL people and WE should try and do the things we always wanted to do!!

There is something that I have tried to keep relatively quiet…. Originally I had to give up my modeling and dancing career due to ill health. Not many people have known this ‘till recently… for two years, I was Agoraphobic. I could not leave my house. I suffered from severe anxiety attacks and my whole world came crashing down.. I was totally housebound. By the time I began to recover, my confidence had hit such a low that modeling to me would never (or so I thought) be a consideration again.. I gave up my dream and lived my life the safest way I knew how, plodding along, learning to cope with my anxiety… and.. truth be known… I’ve had a great time albeit with a few struggles, but all in all… I’m lucky.. I had my son whom I love dearly, still get on well with his dad and I have some amazing friends and family in my life that have supported me through the dark days and really helped me find “me” again – it took a long time.

My Soul family friends and also many FaceBook friends, some who I have never met, have also been great… new doors and new friendships have opened and grown.

I knew, the day I began to post my pictures onto a social networking site, that I was leaving myself exposed to criticism, I expected it. I expected some to think I was a joke, conceited, up my own ar$e, too old, too ugly… and I accepted it to a degree. I wont say it didn’t cut me.. especially when it was people that I have called my friends over recent years but these friends hadn’t known me all those years before.. some of them have done a turn around and encourage and support me, sadly, some have walked away.

In all though… I will say, the support that I have had, has been amazing and encouraging and I feel truly flattered when people like the work that I am doing. Even I sometimes look at the pictures (as John who I work with a lot will tell you) and say… “OMG.. is that really me???”.. (that all goes back to the confidence thing).

I think what I’m trying to say today is, this week has taught me a great deal… this person, through her wicked, nasty, bitter and vicious tongue… cowardly HIDING behind her computer and a make believe name, has shown me something that we all know but don’t get until it really hits us in the face… The social networking thing can be great, fantastic… I’ve met, made friends with and learned from so many amazing people, I’m getting more work offers and opportunities connected to my modeling from the platform that FB has given me… but the down side is… I have also had to block some people – a lot of people. Some of whom were just plain negative - constantly, some who were sucking the energy from me, and some, who were just out and out damn right rude and nasty.

I suppose the Motto of this blog today is…. When you put yourself in front of people, you’re sure to attract positive and negative people around you – I knew this…. I now have to learn that avoiding or escaping these situations is definitely not a solution, I believe the most important thing is knowing how to handle it, and I will learn – I’m on my way, it may take time.. but I will get there.

It really is true what they say - There is an ugly side to all parts and walks in life as well as a beautiful side, and it’s more prominent now because of internet and social networking – it is in our homes!

The Yin-Yang of LIFE... !!!!