A CHAMPAGNE LIFESTYLE ON A GUINESS WAGE

A Normal Life?  So, What is Normal? 
That may seem like a strange question, but come on.. what IS a normal life?  Each and every one of us live completely different lives to that of the person sitting next to us. I was told recently that my life was “mad, crazy, drama filled, exciting” then asked… “don’t you ever crave a ‘normal’ life?” . My reply was “my life IS normal – I am normal”…  but then I wondered.. WHAT ISNORMAL! I suppose, after sitting back and thinking about things, I am very lucky at times! Take last week for example! Every day, just like many of us, my alarm buzzes at 6:15am… I hit snooze till the last and then jump out of bed…  My first port of call is the bathroom, every day, no matter what time.. that’s quite normal!! …  I do the normal ablutions, then go downstairs.. feed the cat, let her out, put the kettle on and make a cuppa.. see… that’s normal… not too strong with one sweetener!  I go back upstairs with my tea and sit at my dressing table, I cant say that I carefully apply my make-up.. I slap it on.. it’s far too early to fuss too much.. I then sometimes straighten, but always brush my hair, spray deodorant and smellies, get dressed then go downstairs for breakfast.  Normally (see.. normal) .. I have cereal of some kind. From Monday to Friday I go to work in an office… I do a job that I can do back to front, upside down and hanging from a chandelier if necessary.. although that isn’t one of the requirements in my contract!  I believe, as most people do, that I am extremely underpaid… but in todays climate.. isn’t thatnormal?? Is ANYONE paid their worth!! Depending on whether or not my son is home, when I get in, I may, may not cook a dinner, money is tight right now, so if it’s just me, then I tend to have something quick and very cheap, and save the good stuff for when we are both together and we can have a proper meal. After dinner I tidy round, go upstairs make my bed if I haven’t made it in the morning, and then pop on the lycra leggings and vest… I either hula hoop for a while (still learning that one), do a workout video, go for a run (OK.. I run like a dinosaur so am more likely to walk fast) or a go to Zumba or training.  (Normal see) Now.. this is where I’ve kind of hit a wall.. because normally, I would have a bath, check my emails and watch a bit of telly until bed time… THAT is what is normal to me.. but of course.. last week, that wasn’t happening as such.. I was having late into the night discussions with a certain photographer that I will be working with in a weeks time (just a bit excited) about weird and wonderful ideas… hmmmmm… no… certainly NOT normal! All will be revealed AFTER the day! Any way, getting back on the “normal” track…Normal for me nowadays is coming home on a Friday night after work and preparing for my shoot on a Saturday… because I work - most of the shoots I do are arranged around the weekends… THIS week.. wasn’t normal.. I gave my self a shoot free weekend.  It would have been heaven, if it weren’t for the migraine that I got… Twas not good!!!  I spent the day feeling rather sorry for myself… but then again.. years ago.. for me THAT was normal.  A friend came over and we watched a couple of movies and then… after more discussions with the photographer re props and outfits.. I went to my bed.. and slept very well Now.. Sunday it got REALLY quite ABNORMAL for me to be honest…  as usual, the S.A.S. Who Dares Spins radio show on Solar Radio was going ahead.  I don’t get to go every week but when I do .. I always enjoy myself… I, along with the lovely TC, take the phone calls and run the Facebook and email etc.. while the just as lovely, Mr Flip, interviews guests… Since being a part of the team I’ve met some amazing talents, The Womacks, Junior Giscombe, Kenny Thomas.. I’m not going to go on coz I don’t want to be accused of being a name dropper… but seriously, some very interesting and nice people.  I don’t normally get too excited though as the way I see it.. these people are NORMAL.. just like me and you.. they just happen to have amazing talents and bring joy to so many people, in their voices, their writing, their skills as musicians… 9/10 times you meet them and they’re as down to earth as you…. but this week.. this week I was getting excited… I was told on Friday.. Mr. Eric Benet would be the guest on the show… OH MY GOD!!! The man who has sung so many love songs (to me)  that I have listened to at various meaningful moments in my life… one of my favourite tracks to dance to “Why you Follow Me”… and not only does he have a most beautiful voice.. he’s rather easy on the eye too. I tried to convince myself.. “he’s just a normal guy, he’s no one special, he’s probably up he’s own back side” and “you’re not excited Debi … why would you be”… but if I’m totally honest.. the adrenaline was pumping on Sunday morning.. I couldn’t wait for Flip, TC and I to get to that studio… I was posting all over Face Book that Eric Benet was guesting in the hot seat of Flips show and please come listen  - I thought if I kept saying it.. I might believe it. We got to the studio and everything was quite relaxed… although TC and I kept giving each other secret little smiles lol….we knew what we were thinking!! HOW LUCKY WERE WE!!!! Then I heard our guest(s) come in.. I was in the room tinkering with the computer just outside the studio and I heard Flip introducing himself and TC and Lloyd and Mark.. and I stayed frozen to my seat.. what should I do?.. run out there like a silly little girl.. or compose myself and behave like a professional?… a professional what though? I don’t know? But I stayed put until in he walked – I stood up and said hello as Flip introduced me and we shook hands…. Now.. at this point.. I imagine you’re expecting me to say that I swooned… NO.. I didn’t…  I conducted myself accordingly and carried on saying hello to the people that were with him… he’s Manager I presume and then this other guy!!! Now THIS man was a personality… he came bounding in “Hello girl” peck peck on the side of the cheek and off into the studio.. for some reason.. I liked him immediately a very vibrant air about him – a cheeky s*d too…. If I remember rightly “My ‘rack’ was mentioned - lol!!!  There were no airs nor graces about him – just “I’m here I’m me”… I like people like that.  I imagine getting on the wrong side of him wouldn’t be too much fun for me though.. very quick with the wit and I imagine a great user of words – actually.. really funny  –.. we had a little chat outside for a brief time and he had me in stitches!!! – He was one of those people that you may only meet for 5 minutes in your lifetime but has an impact on you!! Yep.. definitely one of those people!!... What was his name again.. Oh yea.. Steve ;-) lol  (as if I could forget). Anyway, the show went without a hitch… TC and I were up to our neck with people calling in and wanting to have Eric Benet mention their names… Eric sang happy birthday to one listener (I think I swooned around that point)… and I had female friends on my Facebook and Twitter telling me they “hated” me…  lol.. all in good fun though.. I hope!!! It was a lovely two hours… Eric Benet’s selection of tunes was perfect for a sunny Sunday afternoon… When the show was over, it was time for our guests to leave as Eric (see how I did that.. 1stname terms now) was performing at the Jazz Café…  (Steve had shot off  a bit earlier). As per usual, it was time for our photo call – each week we get the poor unsuspecting guest to have their picture taken with us all…. For some reason I felt weird having my photo taken with Eric Benet – I’m so used to seeing him standing next to Hollywoods beautiful people.. but he was so nice and polite, a gentleman to the max.. he smiled and obliged and after having his picture with us all, he and his manager disappeared off into the evening and we cleared up the studio and made our way home!!!  Later on that night…  whilst I was sitting eating my Kentucky Fried chicken in my little semi in my little town watching some rubbish on TV… It hit me… how surreal… I have just spent the afternoon… doing something quite amazing really, with lovely friends, meeting some amazingly interesting people who live completely different worlds to me… is THAT normal!!!! So… getting back to my original question… WHAT IS A NORMAL LIFE… there is no such thing is there?  We all have our ups and downs, highs and lows… and we deal with the hand we are given…. I don’t think I will ever be rich in monetary means but I’m rich in love and life experiences.. sometimes we’re down on our backsides… and I’ve been there as you know, sometimes we’re flying high (prefereably avoiding illegal substances to do it).. in my case normally when I’m on the dance floor – but when is a life normal… Life is about living and enjoying it to the max and that’s what we all try and do in our own individual ways…. I remember my nan say to me once… “Deborah… (cringe)… you will live a champagne lifestyle on a Guiness wage ….. enjoy it and make the most of it!”  and do you know what… SHE WAS RIGHT and I am!!!!    

WELL... THAT'S MY NORMAL!

THE YIN-YANG.. of Cyber World!!

-----Original Message-----

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

As some of you may already know… the past week bought me some unwanted attention from a rather vicious attacker… it initially started because the person concerned was looking for something within her relationship… She found a message from her husband (whom I have known for quite some time), congratulating me on my modeling, to ignore the haters and carry on doing what I was doing, he stated that I was “gorgeous” and said “lovely pics of a lovely lady” –maybe that was the mistake!

From where I was concerned… this was just a wife/partner/lover that had insecurities within her relationship… we’ve all been there at some time or another. I assured this person that there was nothing “in” the message and that the most intimate he and I had ever been was the odd kiss on the cheek hello and goodbye.

She was obviously very angry over something she had found, and, I have been told, could not get to the people that she wanted to get to, so turned her anger toward me. After a brief exchange or messages and me putting a status up on Facebook, she threatened me and ordered me to remove it (to be honest, by rights, unless she was on her husbands account, she should not have been able to see my wall at all). Being the type of person I am, I decided to take the post down, block her and her husband, and put the whole nasty episode behind me…. Unfortunately, this wasn’t to be the case!!

My Facebook is set to private… the only people that can see my posts are my friends, friends of friends can try to add me or message me (but they go into an alternative folder) but they should not be able to view anything that is on my personal wall. Unfortunately, the page that I set up for my modeling work is not like this. It cannot be made private…

Within 20 minutes of blocking this person, I received a message on my public page from an unknown user… it was disgustingly gross, full of insults and very vicious. It also made reference relating to what the previous aggressor had threatened. It was all too obvious the two were related, although, I hasten to add, this cannot be proven at this moment. Over the next 48 hours my page was targeted, I was called a “dog whore” “pig” “Skanky bitch that should be ashamed of myself” etc etc you name it, I was called it… the language was disgusting and yes, I will admit, was hurtful.

Now, for those that don’t know me, let me explain a little something.

I am not a spring chicken! I am a 48 year old woman that was scouted and asked to start modeling again, after being out of it for 20 plus years. Since doing it again.. I have had a lot of work, some great feedback, some not so great feedback, but I have come alive again… I am a ho yes, as my new found friend above called me… but I prefer the term “Camera HO”, I can be anyone in front of the camera, it’s acting, its all fantasy, it’s harmless and it’s fun” .

I am doing it now because I wanted to show women, like me, actually, not just women, but men also, that just because we have reached a certain age… it doesn’t mean we have to sit back and wait for old age to kick in. We are all beautiful in our own skins and it’s time we started to try and feel comfortable about who we are, what lines we have and any extra curves we may have.. WE are REAL people and WE should try and do the things we always wanted to do!!

There is something that I have tried to keep relatively quiet…. Originally I had to give up my modeling and dancing career due to ill health. Not many people have known this ‘till recently… for two years, I was Agoraphobic. I could not leave my house. I suffered from severe anxiety attacks and my whole world came crashing down.. I was totally housebound. By the time I began to recover, my confidence had hit such a low that modeling to me would never (or so I thought) be a consideration again.. I gave up my dream and lived my life the safest way I knew how, plodding along, learning to cope with my anxiety… and.. truth be known… I’ve had a great time albeit with a few struggles, but all in all… I’m lucky.. I had my son whom I love dearly, still get on well with his dad and I have some amazing friends and family in my life that have supported me through the dark days and really helped me find “me” again – it took a long time.

My Soul family friends and also many FaceBook friends, some who I have never met, have also been great… new doors and new friendships have opened and grown.

I knew, the day I began to post my pictures onto a social networking site, that I was leaving myself exposed to criticism, I expected it. I expected some to think I was a joke, conceited, up my own ar$e, too old, too ugly… and I accepted it to a degree. I wont say it didn’t cut me.. especially when it was people that I have called my friends over recent years but these friends hadn’t known me all those years before.. some of them have done a turn around and encourage and support me, sadly, some have walked away.

In all though… I will say, the support that I have had, has been amazing and encouraging and I feel truly flattered when people like the work that I am doing. Even I sometimes look at the pictures (as John who I work with a lot will tell you) and say… “OMG.. is that really me???”.. (that all goes back to the confidence thing).

I think what I’m trying to say today is, this week has taught me a great deal… this person, through her wicked, nasty, bitter and vicious tongue… cowardly HIDING behind her computer and a make believe name, has shown me something that we all know but don’t get until it really hits us in the face… The social networking thing can be great, fantastic… I’ve met, made friends with and learned from so many amazing people, I’m getting more work offers and opportunities connected to my modeling from the platform that FB has given me… but the down side is… I have also had to block some people – a lot of people. Some of whom were just plain negative - constantly, some who were sucking the energy from me, and some, who were just out and out damn right rude and nasty.

I suppose the Motto of this blog today is…. When you put yourself in front of people, you’re sure to attract positive and negative people around you – I knew this…. I now have to learn that avoiding or escaping these situations is definitely not a solution, I believe the most important thing is knowing how to handle it, and I will learn – I’m on my way, it may take time.. but I will get there.

It really is true what they say - There is an ugly side to all parts and walks in life as well as a beautiful side, and it’s more prominent now because of internet and social networking – it is in our homes!

The Yin-Yang of LIFE... !!!!